It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
