Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
