no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
