Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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