Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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