You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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