My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
