So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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