is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
