he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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