i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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