I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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