i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The air taste purple.
Randomize
