Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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