just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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