she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
