Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
