I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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