We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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