I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize