I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
