Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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