I think I just saw someone hide a body.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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