You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
