I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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