dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
