i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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