Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
