Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
