i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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