You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
