do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
