You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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