I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So many bounce houses so little time
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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