Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
