that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
