I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize