Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
