someone owes me an orgasm
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
