i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
