the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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