I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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