My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She told me I should be a condom model.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
