I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
