Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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