i can't believe i had my finger in that
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
