So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
