he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
