I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
