There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
