how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
