I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
