Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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