Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
