Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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