the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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