if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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