that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
