Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
