Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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