Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
