My friends, they love my intelligence
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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