can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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