You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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