If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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