I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
