I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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