No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
