I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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