I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
