I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
