My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
