I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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