legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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