Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
