Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
