I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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