I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
