The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
