i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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