He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
