just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
