Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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