I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
