My sheets look like a crime scene.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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