Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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