remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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