I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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