I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
