I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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