i permit you to call me
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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